Understanding of the Ego

This is one of my journal entries unlike the rest. I talk about my ego way to much. Since I was a childhood, I didn’t know too much about myself prior to growing up and laugh all the way merrily as if I know what’s going on. I was just a clown with my closest friends with the same deflect I have that was and is unique to the peers of normalcy. I don’t consider myself normal. I consider myself different with qualities that shape who I am today. Since childhood I was like ‘what’s going on’, or ‘what’s popping’, but they all ‘never’ tell me in order for get through the day with me. I had to find myself deeply to create humor with peers that had the same deflect I have among the opposite peers of normalcy to show no parts of weakness. Why I call it the opposite of normalcy? They don’t understand the feelings I have that is currently struggling to fit in, to concern and understand things that matters to the peers of normalcy such as to what is to be laughed about, what is the gossip between people of persons that spread excitement, sadness or drama, and etc. This is why I resort to thinking to such matter of things and be lead to overthink. Not knowing too much of myself cause problems to the peers of normalcy trying figure who I am and assume the wrong things that lock my potential to have other friends by the word of gossip. Gossip such as ‘oh he’s quiet, seeking help or approval’, ‘he’s kind of weak in approaching as of showing passive aggressive’ or ‘he don’t talk’. Usually there were times I had to express my feelings as if I gave my power away in situations where I had to experiment myself and how peers would treat me in the matters of respect. I had to make myself straight to show some spine. Sometimes it works but times it don’t, depending on where to give power away. From experience, I know the hard way gratefully in meekness.

Although it’s best not to give power at all to develop thick skin in the long run and know who you really are, unbothered with your own power to intrigue the best interest in others, mysteriously and coquettishly. Those are the strangers that don’t matter except family and close peers with common interests. Be cool, my friends.

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